Parenting or grandparenting when you have sight loss
Karen, our Admin and Communications Officer writes about her experiences of being a parent with sight loss.
I am a very proud mum to my 16-year-old son, Joe. I have experienced sight loss in varying degrees my whole life, so when I had my son, I knew there would be things to overcome in terms of being a VI parent. Let’s be honest, parenting (and grandparenting I am sure), though full of joys and love, can also have its challenges and when you have a visual impairment, there can be extra difficulties. There are the practical considerations and there are also feelings that might come up that can affect your mindset. I hope this article can offer you some ideas and resources that help you enjoy your parenting or grandparenting role.
Practical issues
The practicalities of being a VI parent or grandparent might have to look a little different. There is always more than one way of doing something and the key to functioning well is to find what works well for you. For example, there are buggies designed to be pulled rather than pushed, allowing you to navigate safely.
It’s also important to bear in mind that you might have to allow extra time to do things, but that it is OK for things to take longer. It is also OK to ask for help and accept support, though this might not always feel easy. I am a fiercely independent person and at first didn’t like seeking out help. What I learnt though, was that this support allowed me to remain independent in many ways and do things safely.
“I think you need to make sure you don’t get into the mindset that you’re the only one dealing with the problems you’re having. Reach out to support groups, they’re incredibly helpful and give you a better sense of perspective.” Anne-Marie
There is a very useful article on the RNIB website which has many practical tips on feeding, weaning, bathing, changing nappies, crawling, dealing with illness, getting out and about and more (Search for ‘Resources for Blind or Partially Sighted Parents).
Having fun with your child is also important and there are many less conventional ways of doing activities with your child. For example, ‘reading’ stories is a key part of most childhoods and can be done in a multitude of ways. Many libraries have an e-book service, with e-books you can then adjust the colour and font size. There are specialist libraries available – Living Paintings has a free library with tactile and audio books for adults and children. Clearvision Project loans free tactile children’s books. You can find children’s audio books online or even find stories on YouTube. You can pause and chat about what you are listening to.
Baking is also entirely possible, there are gadgets and adaptations that can help, like talking scales and tactile markings. And often simple cooking activities are equally fun:
“I loved baking but there are now so many food activities that require no measuring. Buy pizza bases and random toppings you can just throw on. Get a readymade cake you can decorate by just throwing what you want on. Get baking trays you can pour microwave melted chocolate all over and add anything you like: berries, raisins, sprinkles, nuts, or whatever you fancy. Put it in the fridge and break up into chunks when it has set.” Imogen
I have compiled all the tips I received from other VI parents into a document, which you can find on our website in the Knowledge Hub section and is linnked at the end of this article, or we would be happy to mail it out to you if you prefer. Ultimately finding what works for you is the most important thing.
Feelings and mindset
When I had Joe, I was concerned he would miss out on things because of my sight loss. This has not proved to be true; he has experienced a different life rather than one that is missing something. For example, because I can’t drive, we got to know our local area very well, walked a lot and found lots of activities – some very simple. We found a patch of grass on our walk home where ladybirds lived, though I struggled to see them, it was so fascinating for him, so we visited the ‘Ladybird City’ often.
I was also worried Joe would be singled out for having a different parent. Talking to him, friends and other visually impaired parents helped reassure me on this issue and put things into perspective.
Loneliness can be a problem for any parent, but when you have sight loss it can be difficult to initiate friendships. I found by going to smaller play groups I got to know people more easily. I did find the school run a challenge in terms of getting to know other mums, but persistence in saying hello to people can pay off. There are online communities for visually impaired parents who can offer support and friendship – details at the end of this article.
Advantages of being a VI parent or grandparent
OK bear with me here, you might be thinking ‘how can there be advantages to this?’, but I strongly believe there are. I am not diminishing the challenges, but good things can come out of adversity.
Seeing’ life differently.
Having a parent with sight loss can mean your child has a greater awareness of their other senses.
“I’ve found that sensory walks are fab with my little 5-year-old. With me being blind, her awareness of her surroundings is greater than others her age and her descriptions of what she sees to inform me are like poetry.” Louise
Resilience and being a role model.
Seeing you take on life’s challenges and do your best can be a great example and teach children that even if things get tricky, we can be resilient and live a good life.
I believe my son has learned to see life from another perspective. He has seen me do things differently to other parents but understands why and can often put himself in my shoes and guess what I might need in any given situation. This empathy is a key skill I believe will serve him well in the future.
Normalising disability
Being open about your sight loss, answering questions and discussing things is important in helping children understand that having a sensory impairment doesn’t have to mean that you are different from anyone else, you just do things differently. I would like to see a society where all people are treated equally. Having a VI parent gives your child a head start on this issue.
“I honestly think that having a parent with a disability helps kids be less judgemental and more open to experiencing the world in a more open-hearted manner.” Rebecca
Resources
Sight Advice UK sightadvicefaq.org.uk
Blind Mums Connect (BPUK) | Facebook
Blind Parents Connect | Facebook
Tips and Tricks for parenting with sight loss (DOCX, 120 KB)